Especially in the early grades, it's hard to have a child who's unhappy in school and really struggling. As parents we try to help, and sometimes that works. Sometimes it doesn't, and we end up frustrated and confused.

There are some steps we can take, early on, when we begin to be concerned; I found some on the Schwab Learning site and some on that of the U.S. Department of Education.

Of course we start a conversation with the teacher; but sometimes teachers aren't sure what to do. At that point either a parent or a teacher may ask for an informal team to generate more ideas. Some schools call this a Child Study Team, a Student Study Team, or a Student Success Team. Usually it's made up of the child's parents, a couple of teachers, and the school counselor or an administrator.

They meet with four goals:

• Brainstorm things to try that could address the concerns
• Select interventions to try
• Develop a plan to carry them out
• Find a time to meet again to discuss progress

Then, if the interventions are effective and the child seems to be on track, generally everybody knows what to do. What's working simply continues, and a future meeting is scheduled only if it's needed.

If the interventions don't bring about change, the team may decide to try something else, and repeat the four goals above.

The team may decide the child should be referred for a special education evaluation. This is a formal legal process that results in a plan for all the school years ahead. It requires some tools. For some of us, the learning curve is steep.

In 2006, the U.S. Office of Education designed a website they hope will help us acquire the tools we need to be part of this legal process. It's not quick and easy; but it does lend itself to at least understanding the basics in about an hour's time.

So when we can allocate an hour free of interruptions, we can find the tools: see Toolkit on Teaching and Assessing Students with Disabilities.

In the top right hand corner you will see a pull-down menu headed "Information for" Click on the arrow and select "Parents". and spend your time there. If it helps to print it out and sit with it, do it that way.

In whatever way we decide to move ahead, what matters is that we are not outsiders. Rather than having to watch a child go through years of days we cannot make better, we are collaborators exercising our right to be involved.