StudyBuddy has had its share of boys who weren't much interested in school. Generally, we focus for a while on what they're already interested in. Pretty soon we can use what's interesting to teach what isn't. Boys do have more trouble with the transition to first grade, and they do achieve skill with reading and writing more slowly. They do interact, even in preschool, very differently from girls, both indoors and out.

This information is a major concern of national organization Supporting Our Sons, co-founded only a couple of years ago by a Palo Alto mom, Lisen Stromberg, with clinical psychologist William Pollack of Harvard's Center for Men. They point to the fact that the book Reviving Ophelia made people aware that girls' learning styles needed to be a priority, especially in the adolescent years. We have, since then, at least seen more encouragement of strength, physical activity, and speaking up in class, all of which used to be considered unladylike behaviors.

Lisen found that her daughter was allowed a wider acceptable range than her two sons. Beginning in pre-school, teachers and friends expressed concern if they dropped playing with cars for a while and did girly stuff. (When the older one was three, she wrote an article titled "My Son, the Cross-dresser". He shortly outgrew that particular behavior.) Also, starting with first grade, the boys had trouble sitting at a desk all day. They needed more breaks, with more physical activity, to be able to learn.

Pollack says that as a society we force boys to hide their fear, shame, and compassion behind a macho exterior. If a little boy cries when he falls down, we tell him to be a big boy. With a girl we might take time to hold her. We also ignore their need to move. If a first-grader can't sit still till recess, he gets disciplined for being disruptive, whereas what we need to do is address his needs. When he sees that all the girls catch on to reading faster than he does, he's likely to feel ashamed. We need to help him talk about that, and to let him know that where he's at is OK.

Supporting Our Sons works hard at giving parents and teachers the tools and strategies to create these options and more. They run an all day workshop for parents, and a three-day workshop for teachers, a couple of times a year. Sometimes results are dramatic. A fourth-grade teacher in Menlo Park replaced desks with tables, and used different parts of the room for particular assignments, so the boys could move around. She called the change a great success: more focus on learning, less disruptive behavior.

They're also actively raising funds to be able to reach out to other communities and they're providing an online place for parents to exchange ideas and support each other. I found their website well worth half an hour of my time: check it out at http://www.supportingoursons.org/ or call 1-866-OURSONS. Let me know what you think....