You may not remember it as a scary time. (Maybe it wasn't). In any case, don't expect your teenager to admit it; but heading to a new school is really scary. For young teens, the same old questions are still on top: "Where are the bathrooms? How do I find my way around? Where's the cafeteria? What can I get there? What happens if I'm late for school? Are there lots more rules?" They don't ask now.

Each jump is to a bigger and more complex situation. Navigating multiple transitions during the day is not any easier for kids than for adults (think of those Saturdays when you have ten things to do in different parts of town). This area is the easy one, and you can help. Be sure to go if they offer a parents' orientation. Get a map or diagram of the building. If possible, get a copy of the student's schedule before things heat up. Get an easy-to-use lock for the locker, and practice with it, together. Explore the school's website: it will always emphasize what the school thinks is most important

Then there are common fears about social issues. Here you can't do much except try to get a feeling for the social climate of the school, and the questions your teen may wonder about, things like "Will my friends be in my classes? Will they have the same lunch hour? Will the older kids be friendly, or will they be bullies or queen-bees?" There may be a way to mention your own experience with issues like this, if you keep it light and casual. Be assured there are at least a few concerns about academics; but usually they come last. It's the rare teen who lies awake at night worrying about what's in the books. It helps if it's OK, socially, to be smart; if not, only a very secure teenager will buck the tide.

If the transition is into high school, generally the concerns are pretty much the same. There is more pressure: now, being reasonably successful really counts toward future plans. Bear in mind that separating from parents' ideas and plans is particularly important now: any "You should do this" direct statement will be negatively received.

Also, the workload increases dramatically. Some kids just don't believe it, and wait for things to go back to an easier level: if they fall way behind before you hear about it, catching up may require extra help (and sometimes they don't want it from you!) You can help, however, by being steadily supportive and offering encouragement. Usually it takes half the freshman year to get used to things. Study strategies you can help put in place are a quiet place to do homework before dinner whenever possible; handy and adequate supplies (paper, markers, clips, staples, note-cards); computer access at home or at a nearby library; and responsiveness to special requests at exam time. Above all, don't just react if there are bad test results (it won't help) and be a cheerleader whenever you can! Then you can share in the good times.